Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

Perhaps the social anxiety I still experience will begin to dissipate as I continue to learn more about who I am and how I function.

For so long I have replaced positive coping mechanisms with those born of fear and misunderstanding.

When I was initially diagnosed as major depressive at age 24, I began a long process of learning to function properly for the first time. Over the course of my life until then, I had worked steadfastly and confusedly in an effort to piece together things I thought would help my daily life make sense.

These things involved almost everything one shouldn’t do to get by in any given situation.

And in the end, they left me feeling empty and lost.

At bottom, they did not work.

So, in an exhaustive effort to get better, I learned to replace them with things that did.

This mostly involved learning to think in completely different ways.

And, as a result, I became a completely different person.

Or, more accurately, a much better version of myself.

But I am still not perfect.

No, I never will be.

But I can see the places where improvement is still desperately needed.

And the social anxiety, accompanied by the things I do to make it better (read: worse), accounts for one of these areas.

So, this is something I will think on.

Along with several other things.

I have several personal goals this year and I am looking forward to tackling them as best I can.

Yes, the road to self discovery can be a real bitch.

But it can be quite rewarding, too.

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